Kelli. in real life

I Can't Help But Love You

This is my son. I have never learned more from anyone in my entire life. Sometimes he makes me so angry that I want to pull my hair out piece by piece. Other times he's the sweetest child, and I cry just to hear his voice or watch him play. Lately, I have enjoyed more than ever being with him. I've stopped aching so much to have another child and I've focused more on enjoying the one I have. The other day he asked about his baby brother. I said, "Canaan, Christian is in heaven with Jesus and the angels, remember?" He said quietly, "yeah." Moments later he began to cry. We were in the car at the time so I couldn't hold him, but as soon as we got in the house I laid him on my chest and we had a good cry...together. Ten minutes later, he was up running around, banging on my pots, leaving his trains in the middle of the floor, and whining because nap time had come. But for those few moments I literally felt like God used my son to remind me of his unfailing love for me, and that He too has cried to know that I have been hurt. But His love is unchanging. Its brings healing. It brings peace. 

When I look into my sons eyes and I remember carrying him for 9 months, rocking him to sleep at night, watching him take his first steps; I can't help but love him. And today I'm grateful for a God that looks at me in the midst of this process called salvation and says, "I CANT HELP BUT LOVE YOU"

The Afterglow of a Perfect Weekend

This past Labor day weekend goes down in history as one of the best weekends of my life.
It was nothing short of wonderful, amazing, and unforgettable.

I grew up as a only child (biologically) in a small town in West Virginia. growing up I hated it. I found the slow pace boring and couldn't wait to venture out into bigger cities. We lived in a nice family oriented neighborhood where the neighbors held block parties, garage sales, and even sometimes cut each others grass. Friendliness was a way of life for us.

Our neighborhood was primarily white, but there were a few Greeks, italians, and us; the only African American family until my teenage years.

Although I couldn't wait to move; I remember the "safety" I felt. I knew my parents loved me. I knew my neighbors were looking out for me. I knew my friends (for the most part) wished me the best. I felt "SAFE".

In 2002 when I moved to the Detroit area I lost that "safe" feeling. I walked into unchartered waters. I encountered alot of jealousy, deceitfulness, and rudeness sometimes even in the Christian community. I wasn't used to experiencing this on a regular basis.

Even when my husband and I married; I married him because he had so many "genuine" qualities about him. There was no ulterior motive or intention. He wasn't too good to be true.....he just was.....good....and that was him. I felt "safe" with him. But life came at us fast, and within a year of our marriage I was pregnant, not working, and he was laid off from his job.

It had been a while since I had felt "safe" in my surroundings. We live in a very nice area, but due to circumstances out of our control we have to move soon. Its scary to have to pick up your family and move when you planned to be in a certain place for at least a year longer. My husband works full time but is not currently playing the bass, drums or keyboard at a church on Sundays which used to help sustain our income along with his full time, and my part time job. And although I believe God will give us more healthy children in the future; having a miscarriage this year shook me in an unexpected way.

I realized I've basically been living with a "what's next " attitude; waiting for the next tragedy or "fall out". I've become so accustomed to "not so good" things happening, that instead of asking God to keep us from them, I just ask God to continue to strengthen us to handle them when they come.

This weekend, I felt "safe".
My parents came up and spent the weekend with us, and it was literally perfect. We spent the weekend swimming, relaxing, reading, and spending quality time together. Not once did we disagree or get tired of one another. It was beautiful fellowship.

As I watched my parents with my son, I reflected on those days when it was the three of us. I felt safe because their love was unconditional, and still is. Its not based on how much money I make, how much weight Ive gained or lost, or whether I finished college or not. They love me because Im theirs. And that love; a love that God put in them to share with me, makes me feel "safe".

I am so thankful for my precious family. Daddy, Mom, my husband, my son, my stepson, my Mum Mum,my in-laws, and my "sisters" Mel, Kita, Jeane' and Anna. I have realized that though life has thrown us a few curve balls this last year, we ARE safe, and we HAVE SEEN GOD...because he has shown us His unconditional love through our family.

We are blessed.

This is me in real life.....Kelli.

And So It Begins.....

It's official.
My 2 year old has a hero.
His name is Eli.
Eli is a big boy.
He's 3.
Oh yes, a whopping 3!

My son thinks Eli is the absolute coolest kid on the planet.
Eli likes Peter pan, pirates, swords, and all things rough.
Therefore....
Canaan does as well.

When Eli and Canaan get together, there's lots of "that's mine", "Stop", and "No"'s which ultimately results in time outs.

But they love each other.

I remember my first childhood hero. It was this lady.

Yep.
Diana Ross.
I was 3 years old, and I wanted big eyes, an afro, and a dog named Toto just like Diana Ross.
(If you're confused I'm assuming you've never seen the "black" version of The Wizard of Oz entitled THE WIZ. A MUST SEE)

Anyways,
I sure do wish Canaan would go to the big boy potty like Eli so I can stop buying DIAPERS. Geesh!

Did you have a childhood hero?

TWOS-DAYS

This morning my two year old woke up with a light fever.
I was scheduled to work, but thank God I was able to get off.
This is what took place about 30 minutes ago....

whining......

whining and bargaining

mad at mama

meltdown.....

until finally........

HAPPY TWOS-DAY!

This is me in real life (exhausted)...Kelli