I woke up this morning in a BAD mood. I was in the midst of a misunderstanding with a dear friend, and the whole thing has exhausted me emotionally. I HATE to be misunderstood, and I HATE to know that I have not taken the time or energy necessary to truly understand someone.
I felt bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness rising up in me, instead of the love I had asked God to stir up within me. All these self-centered emotions tried to overtake my mind, and fighting them left me mentally tired.
If that weren't enough, one of my childhood friends gave birth to a beautiful baby boy today. I was thrilled for her and her husband. But my heart was grieving as well. Our due dates were 2 weeks apart. The birth of her 2nd son reminded me that I had lost my 2nd son in March. Today, I would've been 38 weeks pregnant. I would've been round, irritable, disgustingly hot and uncomfortable, and I would've been so happy to be that way. It was a bittersweet moment; thanking God for bringing baby Nathaniel into this world safely; but also asking God to continue to comfort me in the loss of my son Christian.
By this evening when my friend called, I was a wreck. It was only the grace of God that we were able to plow through our differences and come to a resolve. Granted it, neither one of us agreed with the other's perception; nevertheless we came to a resolve.
Its been a rough day for me. But somewhere someone didn't have anything to eat. Somewhere a person lost their job. Somewhere a person was physically abused by a spouse or significant other. Someone died today.
And here I am...
with a roof over my head
a job
a beautiful son
a loving husband
just enough food in the fridge
and Im alive.
Thank you God for bringing me through this day. I couldn't have made it without you