This is MC Lyte.
I was first introduced to rap music by sneaking into my older cousins room when some of his friends were visiting. The "boom box" was up on his dresser drawer, and he and his friends were break dancing in the middle of the floor. I couldn't understand any of the lyrics except these...J-just like a test I cram to understand you. From that day on, I wanted to be like MC Lyte. I saved up my allowance to sneak and buy one of her tapes (parental advisory stamped boldly across the front cover). My parents listened to some secular music like Michael McDonald, Patti Labelle, Phil Collins, and Anita Baker,but as for me, I was only allowed to listen to gospel or christian music until I was about 15.
I knew nothing about the "ghetto" or "BROOKLYN" or this random guy named "sam" that she talked about, but something about her music was so cool to me.
**I have to say that as a teenager I did not know MC Lyte was a lesbian. Had I have known that I'm sure I would've chosen someone else to "be like".******
Today, I was thinking about a situation I've recently found myself in with someone I hold dear to my heart. A misunderstanding caused a rift between us, and naturally I've taken sometime to reflect on my own actions and thoughts. For some odd reason this rap kept coming in my mind.
J-just like a test...j-just like a test, j-just like a test, I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU.
Do you remember what it was like to CRAM for a test? You stayed up the night before a test you weren't prepared for trying to shove all the information you possibly could into your brain. I can recall cramming so much once that I just broke into tears, because I realized there was no way I was going to remember all the information necessary to pass the test.
I thought about relationships in general, and how each of us is created with different "wiring" if you will. Likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, talents and strengths, problems and issues. Yet, when we "relate" to someone; that means there is a common thread somewhere that knits us together, and holds us close to one another.
In order for me to "relate" to those I love communication, understanding, and honesty play huge parts. I can't expect for someone to read my mind and know how I feel unless I tell them. I can't expect for an issue to be truly resolved unless clarity is brought through conversation. I can't claim that I love someone and lie to them about the things they need to change and vice versa.
I reflect on this song in such a random way. We are all God's creation but we are constantly evolving. Life's lessons cause us to grow, mature, and change on a regular basis. Sometimes we need to step back from ourselves, and take the time to "CRAM TO UNDERSTAND" those we care about. It's not about convenience, or even what we "feel like" necessarily. Commitment....relationship....love is about unselfishness.
I've been told I love hard. I'd lay down my life for someone I consider my "family". That sometimes leave's me in a vulnerable place, and I often get hurt by those who take advantage of me. But this is me. Sappy, sentimental, loyal, forgiving, straightforward, but gentle. I can't be anyone but myself.
And tonight as I reflect on those I am committed to , I can make this promise, in spite of the hurt I may feel.
Just like a test.......I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU....and this is one test, Im determined to pass.
This is me, Kelli, in real life.
