Kelli. in real life

The Afterglow of a Perfect Weekend

This past Labor day weekend goes down in history as one of the best weekends of my life.
It was nothing short of wonderful, amazing, and unforgettable.

I grew up as a only child (biologically) in a small town in West Virginia. growing up I hated it. I found the slow pace boring and couldn't wait to venture out into bigger cities. We lived in a nice family oriented neighborhood where the neighbors held block parties, garage sales, and even sometimes cut each others grass. Friendliness was a way of life for us.

Our neighborhood was primarily white, but there were a few Greeks, italians, and us; the only African American family until my teenage years.

Although I couldn't wait to move; I remember the "safety" I felt. I knew my parents loved me. I knew my neighbors were looking out for me. I knew my friends (for the most part) wished me the best. I felt "SAFE".

In 2002 when I moved to the Detroit area I lost that "safe" feeling. I walked into unchartered waters. I encountered alot of jealousy, deceitfulness, and rudeness sometimes even in the Christian community. I wasn't used to experiencing this on a regular basis.

Even when my husband and I married; I married him because he had so many "genuine" qualities about him. There was no ulterior motive or intention. He wasn't too good to be true.....he just was.....good....and that was him. I felt "safe" with him. But life came at us fast, and within a year of our marriage I was pregnant, not working, and he was laid off from his job.

It had been a while since I had felt "safe" in my surroundings. We live in a very nice area, but due to circumstances out of our control we have to move soon. Its scary to have to pick up your family and move when you planned to be in a certain place for at least a year longer. My husband works full time but is not currently playing the bass, drums or keyboard at a church on Sundays which used to help sustain our income along with his full time, and my part time job. And although I believe God will give us more healthy children in the future; having a miscarriage this year shook me in an unexpected way.

I realized I've basically been living with a "what's next " attitude; waiting for the next tragedy or "fall out". I've become so accustomed to "not so good" things happening, that instead of asking God to keep us from them, I just ask God to continue to strengthen us to handle them when they come.

This weekend, I felt "safe".
My parents came up and spent the weekend with us, and it was literally perfect. We spent the weekend swimming, relaxing, reading, and spending quality time together. Not once did we disagree or get tired of one another. It was beautiful fellowship.

As I watched my parents with my son, I reflected on those days when it was the three of us. I felt safe because their love was unconditional, and still is. Its not based on how much money I make, how much weight Ive gained or lost, or whether I finished college or not. They love me because Im theirs. And that love; a love that God put in them to share with me, makes me feel "safe".

I am so thankful for my precious family. Daddy, Mom, my husband, my son, my stepson, my Mum Mum,my in-laws, and my "sisters" Mel, Kita, Jeane' and Anna. I have realized that though life has thrown us a few curve balls this last year, we ARE safe, and we HAVE SEEN GOD...because he has shown us His unconditional love through our family.

We are blessed.

This is me in real life.....Kelli.

I CRAM to understand you

This is MC Lyte.
I was first introduced to rap music by sneaking into my older cousins room when some of his friends were visiting. The "boom box" was up on his dresser drawer, and he and his friends were break dancing in the middle of the floor. I couldn't understand any of the lyrics except these...J-just like a test I cram to understand you. From that day on, I wanted to be like MC Lyte. I saved up my allowance to sneak and buy one of her tapes (parental advisory stamped boldly across the front cover). My parents listened to some secular music like Michael McDonald, Patti Labelle, Phil Collins, and Anita Baker,but as for me, I was only allowed to listen to gospel or christian music until I was about 15.

I knew nothing about the "ghetto" or "BROOKLYN" or this random guy named "sam" that she talked about, but something about her music was so cool to me.

**I have to say that as a teenager I did not know MC Lyte was a lesbian. Had I have known that I'm sure I would've chosen someone else to "be like".******

Today, I was thinking about a situation I've recently found myself in with someone I hold dear to my heart. A misunderstanding caused a rift between us, and naturally I've taken sometime to reflect on my own actions and thoughts. For some odd reason this rap kept coming in my mind.

J-just like a test...j-just like a test, j-just like a test, I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU.

Do you remember what it was like to CRAM for a test? You stayed up the night before a test you weren't prepared for trying to shove all the information you possibly could into your brain. I can recall cramming so much once that I just broke into tears, because I realized there was no way I was going to remember all the information necessary to pass the test.

I thought about relationships in general, and how each of us is created with different "wiring" if you will. Likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, talents and strengths, problems and issues. Yet, when we "relate" to someone; that means there is a common thread somewhere that knits us together, and holds us close to one another.

In order for me to "relate" to those I love communication, understanding, and honesty play huge parts. I can't expect for someone to read my mind and know how I feel unless I tell them. I can't expect for an issue to be truly resolved unless clarity is brought through conversation. I can't claim that I love someone and lie to them about the things they need to change and vice versa.

I reflect on this song in such a random way. We are all God's creation but we are constantly evolving. Life's lessons cause us to grow, mature, and change on a regular basis. Sometimes we need to step back from ourselves, and take the time to "CRAM TO UNDERSTAND" those we care about. It's not about convenience, or even what we "feel like" necessarily. Commitment....relationship....love is about unselfishness.

I've been told I love hard. I'd lay down my life for someone I consider my "family". That sometimes leave's me in a vulnerable place, and I often get hurt by those who take advantage of me. But this is me. Sappy, sentimental, loyal, forgiving, straightforward, but gentle. I can't be anyone but myself.

And tonight as I reflect on those I am committed to , I can make this promise, in spite of the hurt I may feel.
Just like a test.......I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU....and this is one test, Im determined to pass.

This is me, Kelli, in real life.

The Generation That Will Seek His Face

I have a heart for the young people of today.
High schoolers; late teens, early 2O's...thats my heart.
As difficult as some of them may be to reach, I find much pleasure and literal joy in seeing them come to know Christ as their Savior, father, and ultimate confidant.

Friday night, I heard a speaker preach about the enemy of our souls. I watched as hundreds of young people listened to the knowledge she shared. And although it was quite in depth, it was enthralling and kept their attention. Tears streamed down my eyes as she shared a truth that anyone who knows me well will tell you I have said for years.

"We have not learned how to live victorious in Christ, because we don't know enough about our enemy".

Somewhere around 2000, I felt led to start searching the scriptures about "warfare". The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds...for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.....(2 Cor 10:4, Ephesians 6:12)....passages of scripture I would read over and over and over again. At the time I was a worship leader/minister of music for a church of about 300 regular members; primarily young singles and families around the age of 25-30. I took hold to these scritpures and when preparing for worship, I realized I was in battle as well as a time of worship. But even more than that, a burning to see young people "saved" was birthed in me. I began to realize that this is a generation who has the ability to usher in a revival we have not yet experienced. They are bold. relentless. inquisitive, unbelievably gifted. and sadly alot of them are CONFUSED.

I'm only 30 years old myself, and I consider that to be young. But I've been some places. Seen some things.
Made some silly decisions in high school and college. Didn't take full advantage of privileges given to me that would've advanced my life farther than it is now.

I see this generation, and I want to help. I want to be that voice crying out in the "wilderness" of peer pressure, false religion, suicide, perversion, rebellion, etc. That voice that doesn't "preach" Jesus, but lives him.
I long to usher in a wind of God's presence that brings more peace and love than some young people have ever felt and in turn give their lives to Christ. I want to be used by God.

Friday, I saw young people run to the altar for deliverance and salvation. The Word "pricked" their hearts, and made it soft and ready for change. I've seen it before, and I doubt I'll ever get tired of seeing it.

This is the generation that will seek HIS face........

This is me in real life.....KELLI

Walking Without Crutches

When I was younger I played a couple of sports.
I wasn't "great" at any of them, but I was decent enough to have a future in college athletics if I worked hard enough.

Somewhere between my junior and senior year in high school, I sprained my ankle while playing either basketball or soccer. (I can't quite remember). I remember my ankle swelling up to the size of a baseball. It was quite tender to the touch.

For a week or so, I was on crutches. Although it was only a slight sprain, my doctor insisted I stay off of it for at least a week. At home I hobbled and hopped around, but at school, crutches were my only option.

Today I thought about those crutches. I can remember how strange it felt to try and walk on my own after I'd gotten used to the crutches. I had nothing to lean on, and pressing down too hard, too quick, sent a throbbing pain through my foot and up my leg. It was uncomfortable.

For the last few days I've been uncomfortable.
Something unexpected happened in my life on Friday that sent my emotions into a whirlwind, let alone the effects on my physical body. The last few weeks I'd experienced a renewing and heightening of my faith in God. I was riding high.

But just like that day when I was hurt unexpectedly in the "prime" of my "career" (and I say that very lightly) in athletics, this trial came upon me, literally like a flood.

It brought back a flood of tears, emotions, and even fears.

But this time, things were different.

No one knew what I was going through, so there was no one there to help.

And those who did know were busy with their own problems, and couldnt help me.

My husband was swamped at work.

My sister was sick with laryngitis and was thousands of miles away.

My friends were vacationing and enjoying themselves.

All that was left was me and God.

No more crutches.

The last few days have been rough. But I've realized people and things can never fill the natural void inside of me that only God can fill. People can only be human, and things fade away. But God; He never changes or fails.

It's been hard. It's been uncomfortable. But I'm learning to walk without crutches.

Are you too dependent on your family or friends when it comes to life's trials?

This is me in real life, Kelli.

When One Door Closes

You ever heard that saying, "When one door closes, another one opens?"
Well, this is the image I had in my mind when I heard that saying.

Today I got news that I didn't get a job I interviewed for about a month ago.
I don't want to disclose certain details in order to maintain the privacy of the organization, but basically it was a job doing administrative work for an office that handles ministry affairs. (I know, that's a pretty generic description of the job). When I interviewed for the job, I didn't leave feeling "I got it", but I was definitely interested and excited and knew it was a job I could do effectively and in excellence.

When I got the news today I sort of sighed, and the the strangest thing happened.

I started laughing.

Hysterically laughing.

The Spirit of the Lord immediately reminded me that "all things work together for my good"(Romans 8:28), and (God) knows the plans He has for me,(jer29:11) and the steps of this good woman are ordered by the Lord.(psalm 37:23) I also heard this, "They'll be glad to have you."

I didn't understand at first, but the Lord begin to show me myself through His eyes. He took the time to put different talents, qualities, and characteristics in me when He created me. He knew exactly what He was doing. And although I'm not perfect, He is at work in me. So when that time comes when I'm connected with that next opportunity that is FOR ME, things will come together like pieces to a puzzle, and "they'll be glad to have me."

Wherever , whatever is next, I am open to God's will. I completely trust God to put me where He wants me, and I know that I'll prosper.

Today my perspective changed a bit.

Im not expecting just "another door".

I'm expecting an open door "with gifts".

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen"
Ephesians 3:20 ESV

This is me in real life, Kelli.

Confession of Faith

Do you remember when you made your confession of faith?

.....when you accepted Jesus , did you accept Him as your "personal" savior and Lord?

I did.

That's my favorite part.

He's my PERSONAL savior and Lord.

You know how some people have 2 and 3 phone numbers and emails......

Two for business and then a PERSONAL email or voicemail box?

Yeah...I mean like that.

This isn't a business venture.

This is personal.

I love the fact that although my God is Holy, completely worthy and perfect, incredible, radiant, amazing, and omnipotent....

He's personal.

He's been dealing with me in such a "personal" way.

Not just a cookie cutter process of deliverance or being saved, but designed and packaged just for me.

In a world where so many people are too selfish to take the time to change their attitude, delivery, response, or activities, based on the needs of those they claim to love.....I feel so cherished to know that no matter how many prayers he's answering, how many souls he's saving, how many sins he's forgiving, how many bodies he's healing, how many demons he's causing to tremble....He is NEVER too busy for me.

I'm so blessed to KNOW him as MY personal Jesus.

Do you know Him?

This is me.in real life. KELLI