I've never been to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but I hear that the first step to recovery is to ADMIT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
I agree with this statement 100%.
When it comes to sickness, addiction, sin, or even fears in our lives I think we should always be willing to admit to God that we have a problem. I don't think that saying"I'm not sick" when your body is wracked with pain is a statement of faith; I think its like lying. Faith is (in my opinion) my body tells me I'm sick, but my spirit tells me God is a healer, and i believe He's going to heal me. What need would there be for a Savior if we didn't have things we needed to be SAVED from?
I'm taking a step today and admitting that I have a problem.
I AM INCONSISTENT.
This is the root of every issue I have in my personal walk with God.
I waiver in my faith.
I'm inconsistent in my bible reading and meditating.
I'm inconsistent when it comes to making God the first person I run to when I need comfort or answers.
I'm inconsistent in my worship. I mean what I sing and teach with all of my heart, but my enthusiasm and outward display of affection is often hampered due to circumstances, song choice, and how Im feeling in my body.
My attitude is inconsistent.
There are very few things I am constant in.
Today this truth hit me like a ton of bricks. But because God is who He is, I didn't feel yucky or like a failure. I felt like God was saying,
"Kelli, I've got so much in store for you that your mind can't even grasp it. But I can't bless you like I want to until you prove to me that you can be consistent. Trust me. Praise me. Spend time with me, and I can't HELP but bless you."
My life seems so unstable lately. We could literally be moving down the street, or thousands of miles away in a few weeks or months. We (my husband and I) could be doing the same types of jobs we're working in now, or we can venture into other areas of talent and expertise; all dependent on what doors open for us. Instability and inconsistency has made us feel quite weary lately; as if we're on a rocking ship somewhere in the middle of the sea; hoping for a wind to carry us into shore.
I've realized if I can be consistent in my prayer time and my commitment to the things of God, all these things may continue to go haywire, but I'll feel more peace because I'm abiding in God.
Instead of feeling despair, I've definitely repented and choose today to succeed at being more consistent. If it means I've got to go back to basics and outline my day including how long I pray and what specific scriptures I read or study, I'll do it. If it means fasting (OUCH), I'll do it. If it means writing notes all over the house to remind myself that in order to receive God's blessing I have to die to this flesh daily, I'll do it.
Starting all over and thankful for conviction,
Kelli. in real life
