Kelli. in real life

I Wish I could Be There......

This is my L.A. sister.
Today marks a culmination of lessons learned, trials overcome, and a birthing of a "new thing" in Christ for her.
Today is her ministerial ordination.

I wish desperately to be there to celebrate this achievement with her today; but finances and other commitments wouldn't allow me.

But I am SO proud.

I type this with tears streaming down my face as I thank God for bringing my sister into my life. People are often amazed when they find out we've only been close friends for a year or so. The sovereignty of God literally brought us together as friends, intercessors, and carriers of the gospel.

My sister was the only person, (outside of my husband) who I could bring myself to talk to the day I lost my baby. After miscarrying here at home I felt unstable and delirious. I needed something I could lean on, something solid, and she was there.

I cried uncontrollably that day. And she listened.
My speech was fragmented. And she listened.
My mind was scattered. And she listened.
She was just what I needed.
When she finally did speak I felt the love of God penetrate my heart, and I knew He hadn't left me.

Today, I wish I could be there just to listen.
Listen to the charge and challenge she is given; to preach the gospel in and out of season, to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, to live a sober life, to teach the younger women, to uphold the standard of holy living presented to us by the scriptures.
And when I finally would speak, I'd say this......

Although you are a gift to me; it is now time for the world to experience that gift. Before you were even born, Christ predestined you; to carry the gospel to the nations; to carry the song of the Lord,; to lay hands on the sick and watch them recover; and to prepare the way of the Lord. Your perseverance, and commitment to ministry has challenged me to be a better Christian. I pray that today you feel the overwhelming embrace of God's love as you are elevated to another level in ministry. You'll never know how much I appreciate you.

From the Heart,

Kel

This is me in real life, Kelli.

Learning to Love

I've been reading a lot about love.
God's birthing something in me for a mentorship program beginning with the characteristic and action of love.
But in order to carry out the mission, I must first

a) Receive God's love

b) WALK DAILY in God's love

c) show and share God's love

I'm digging deep, and being transparent with myself, and with God.

I'm stuck RIGHT HERE. 1 Corinthians 13:5

"LOVE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS." (NIV)
"LOVE IS NOT RESENTFUL" (RSV)
"LOVE HOLDS NO GRUDGES" (LB)

THIS is a hard pill for me to swallow.

Have you ever read a scripture and been convicted to the point of tears?

Yesterday, I Cried

Yesterday, I cried.

My L.A. sister was in town this past week for a church convention, and the last 3 days my other sister and I had the chance to spend some girl time with her. Yesterday, my new niece turned a month old, and we went to see her get her first portraits taken. While we looked through the proofs we took turns holding her, and delighting in the outcome of her pictures. We walked aimlessly through the store while waiting for her pictures to print; laughing at inside jokes, looking at baby clothes and toys, and even posing for a picture or two.

For some odd reason as we were looking at girl's clothes my L.A. sister said something about my future child(ren). Immediately, my stomach began to cramp, sweat started pouring down my face, my skin was hot, and I felt light headed and dizzy. I sat in a rocking chair for a few moments to try and collect myself, but the pain would not subside. "I'm just hungry. Go on and check out, and I'll meet you there in a few minutes, " I said to my sisters. As soon as they were out of sight, I rushed to restroom.

I cried because I lost him.

I cried because I wasn't pregnant.

I cried because he hadn't met his aunties who had screamed with ecstatic joy when I took the test and it came out positive.

I cried, and it hurt.

Somehow, I collected myself after a few minutes, and returned to my sisters.

I held my niece close to me and nuzzled her cheek.

I cried because I lost him.

But I smiled, because she's here.

How do I love thee?

Yesterday I got my feelings hurt.
Caught me off guard.
Blindsided me to say the least.

The worst part about it is, I don't think the person would've cared much even if I'd told them they hurt my feelings.
They would've sighed.
Called me sensitive.
Most likely they would've stopped talking for the rest of the evening.

So I went to bed with feelings left hanging in the air.

One of my biggest pet peeves is to be misunderstood.

So this morning, I woke up...last night was still on my mind.

I started talking to God about it, and I felt the spirit of the Lord sort of "shrug me off".

Well anyone who has the Spirit of the Lord living inside them knows that it brings conviction, and is a revealer of truth.

Only a few moments passed before the Lord began to deal with me about how I treat Him. How I write all these lovely songs about Him. I sing with tears streaming down my face about him. I teach my son about Him. But sometimes, in fact too often, He is last on my list.
See He created me with this huge heart. I love hard. When the people I love hurt, I hurt. When they rejoice, I rejoice. As often as I can, I show them how much I love them.
But when is the last time I set aside a day JUST for me and God. When is the last time I planned a day to spend with Him....talking, worshipping, praying, laughing, meditating on His word? When is the last time my feelings were "hurt" because we experienced a "disconnect"?

I immediately repented. I have not meant to create any idols before Him, but too often I have put people and things before Him.

"Lord, I have seen the inconsistency of my ways. For too long have I expected your grace to cover my selfishness. It is an honor to have you as my father and friend. I have taken you for granted. Please receive my repentance, and help me to receive your forgiveness. Without you, this life is empty and void. You have blessed me with family and friends to share this life with. But YOU are my heart's desire.

This morning I declare, you are not my last resort.....Jesus, YOU are my first CHOICE."

With all of me,
Kelli

How I Got Over

So I'm back to normalcy.

I'm the mother of one, caring for one.

I didn't have to change 3 diapers at the same time yesterday.
I didn't have to take one meal and divide it EQUALLY into 3 plates, and then use what was left over to create meal for Ben and I.
I did not have to rotate the usage of 2 working squirt guns between 3 rowdy boys.

Instead I held my one little toddler boy closely and tightly and said, "You're not so bad after all. "

I let him jump on my bed.
I let him eat my chips.
I let him stay up til 10.

Why?

Because I was so glad to only have one of him : )

All in all, it was a great experience, and I'd do it all over again in a heart beat.

But I have to give credit where credit is due.

Starbucks....you've done it again.

COFFEE...is certainly how I got over.

Mother of Three ~ Day One

For the next 2 nights and 3 days I am the "mother" of 3 handsome, rowdy, lovable boys.
My own son (2.5) , and my friends 2 little boys (2 & 3).
My dear friend and her husband have gone away for a wedding and some much needed r & r. I count it an honor and a privilege that she thought enough of me (and Ben, although he'll be here very little due to his work schedule) to care for her precious boys.
When she asked me, I agreed without hesitation. She's like a sister to me, and I love her boys like little nephews.
Besides, how hard could it be?

.......................................................................................

Now that you're done laughing; can I just say that I don't know how you moms out there with more than one child do it?

It's only 4, and I'm EXHAUSTED.

We took a walk, we played basketball, we played outside, and downstairs in the play area, and I haven't even started dinner.

I could use a strong drink right now. Specifically a venti caramel macchiato with extra everything right now.

You may ask, "How are you able to be on the computer at this very moment?"

It's a little thing called happy hour...i mean nap time ..my friends.

..............................

Hark....I hear the pitter patter of little feet.

Until next time...send up a prayer for this mother of one; caring for 3. : )