Kelli. in real life

I Get By With a Little Help From my SISTERS

Meet my sisters.

Up top is "Babe Cooper" and here below is "Babe Knight".

They're not my buddies. 

They're not my friends.

They're not my pals.

They're my sisters. 

Babe Cooper and I have been sisters for 6 years or so. We met when I started singing background for Dorinda Clark Cole, and immediately became close. On the day of my wedding, she was the last person I saw before I walked down the aisle with my father. She cried with me, rejoiced with me, and today is blessed with a wonderful husband and daughter. 

Babe Knight and I have been sisters for less than 2 years, but it feels like forever. Ours was an ironic meeting at a live recording on which we both sang. We didn't keep in touch like we promised, but a year later connected again, and have been stuck like glue ever since. Ours is a spiritual connection; divinely orchestrated.

As fate, or God would have it; Babe Knight and Babe Cooper hit it off right away, and now all of us are inseparable. 

Today I went to Babe Cooper's house to get my hair done. We were on a three way speaker phone call with Babe Knight (who lives in Cali) and I began to be transparent and tell my sisters that I was afraid. I told them how I couldn't stop thinking about the miscarriage in March, and how it was taking everything within me to believe that the baby I'm carrying inside of me now is alive and well. 

Babe Cooper immediately said, "Babe...I believe everything's ok. At church on Sunday I was praising God and thanking Him in advance for this healthy baby you're going to have. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE GOD"

Babe Knight chimed in and said, "You have to speak the word to your mind and tell your mind to tell your body to line up with the Word of God. Don't allow what may be a reality that yes you lost a baby, to dictate to you that you're going to lose this one. We're going to believe that this baby is alive and well and you're going to have a healthy pregnancy."

Then because Babe Knight was at a church function she went into many salutations and blessings with people around her. Babe Cooper and I had a field day teasing her about her "meet and greet". 

A normal conversation. A normal banter of mockery back and forth. A normal exchange of sisterly love and laughter. 

But yet, I drove home with tears pouring down my face. 

I am SO BLESSED to have TRUE sisters, who although not my blood have been joined to me through the covenant of Christ. They wouldn't let me fall today. They didn't pat my back and baby my emotions.

 They spoke the WORD and helped me to stand on it. 

Once home, I grabbed a book I read regularly called "Supernatural Childbirth". I began to read and recite the scriptures listed inside and I came to this ...FEAR is F(alse) E(vidence) A(bout) R(eality).

Everything my sisters had spoken to me today was confirmed. 

I will spend the rest of the day reciting and meditating on Gods promises and thanking Him for sisters who care enough to remind me of those promises. 

Have No Fear

When I was little I was fascinated with superheroes. 

Superman, Superwoman, Batman, Suzzette Smurf. 

I loved them because they seemed invincible. They had amazing powers to do almost anything they wanted. Plus, they had the best lines was, "Have No Fear"....and then they'd either rescue someone, fight an enemy, or fly or twirl around really fast. 

(All except for Suzzette Smurf. I just thought she was brave for living around all those boys)

Have no fear, huh?  That's been a tough concept for me to grasp, even though I'm in relationship with the greatest of superheroes; Jesus Christ. 

I've talked before about struggling with fear, anxiety, worry, and doubt; almost on a daily basis. I have to literally quote meditate on scriptures and feed myself the word of God and encouraging words to fight off anxiety. 

Just before Christmas I found out that I'm pregnant again with what would have been our 3rd child. I've written many times about losing Christian back in March, and what a difficult loss it was to recover from. When I saw the plus sign on the "pee pee" stick (as I like to call it) I was filled with mixed emotions; I was thrilled speechless until all that would come out of my mouth was a screaming like sound that sounded more like a whale in heat. 

I was also AFRAID. 

Fear gripped me. 

I was afraid of my husband's response. 

I was afraid of the financial strain if I end up having to quit my job. 

I was afraid of losing the baby. 

And I realized that fear was the reason I didn't tell people. I was afraid people would say, "you should probably wait to say anything...just in case you miscarry."

I was afraid people would feel pitiful for me, and instead of BELIEVING God with me, they'd just "hope for the best". 

I've been wrecking my brain every day, making sure I still feel certain symptoms. The moment I don't; I become afraid and bombard myself with "what ifs". 

Fear is torment. 

I can't live like that.

"FOR GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US THE SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER, AND LOVE, AND OF A SOUND MIND" -II Timothy 1:7 

"FEAR NOT, FOR I AM WITH THEE, AND I WILL BLESS THEE" -Genesis 26: 24

I've been eating these scriptures like candy. 

I have concluded, that whatever happens, my God is with me. He won't leave me. He knows my hearts desire, and He is able to do more than I can ask or think. 

So this baby, this pregnancy, this anxious woman....is in HIS HANDS. 

Time Out

Today I'm taking a "time out" from the every day ups and downs and ins and outs. For the next hour I've decided my greatest struggle doesn't exist. I'm not anxious, worrying, doubtful, fearful, or beating myself up. For the next hour I am FREE!!!!!

 This all started this morning when I woke up and was greeted by my issues and worries, shortcomings and bills, strengths and weaknesses, all at once. Just as I began to cry the Holy Spirit nudged me and I felt him whisper this to me. "Just try me...........take a break from trying to fix everything.....just try me. "  Capitol idea, I thought. But seeing that worry and anxiety have become a part of my actual being over the last few years, I knew it would be kind of hard to just "snap out of it." So I set a reasonable goal. For the next hour....I AM FREE. 

To some this may be silly. Worry and anxiety may not be your worst enemies. Maybe it's easy for you to accept God grace and mercy daily. But condemnation is a constant foe of mine. When I feel I've let God down, or even if bills overwhelm me, or things don't work out like I expected, it effects every part of my life. I lose inspiration. I become afraid and defensive. I stop praying. I began to feel helpless. 

But I love how God's word is alive and can speak loudly to our situations. 

"He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;" Psalm 103 :10-11

I once heard someone say faith is like a muscle...its got to be exercised. Life has thrown a many curve balls my direction the last 2 years and my faith has taken a beating. But today I'm putting on my workout clothes and Im exercising my faith. Who knows this hour of relief may lead to a new way of life....TRUE FREEDOM!!!!

 

Here's My Hand

My friends are very important to me.
I've got associates, acquaintances, church family, friends and family.
Most of my closest friends are considered a part of my family.

A few years ago , I moved to Michigan and was separated from some of my closest and dearest friends that I was used to seeing on a daily basis. Now I've got close friends here, and close friends miles away. But I love that no distance and no familiarity changes the connection between us.

One of my dearest friends is hurting emotionally. She's a strong individual, and her faith in God is solid. But we're all human, and when disappointments come it's natural for us to hurt.

On Friday before I even knew what was going on in detail with my friend; I began to weep and call our her name in prayer. It was less than an hour later that I understood why I had felt such a burden for her.

Friendship is one of the most precious types of relationships God has gifted us with. While marriage brings about a connection of romance, sexual intimacy, and the building of a family; even a marriage is quite fragile with out the two individuals ( man and a woman) first being FRIENDS. Friendship is the ability to let down your guard and allow a person to take up space in your heart; the ability to laugh together, cry together, hurt one another, forgive one another, believe in each other, and remain committed without any paperwork or ceremony.

Today I just wish I could hold my dear friends hand as a point of contact.

I'd stand right by her side without inhibition. I'd allow the pure and untainted love of God to flow through me, as I held her hand; saying nothing; just there to be there.

Sometimes no words can heal us like the sense of touch can.

Sometimes we can't even find the words to describe the emotions we feel.

But "touch" transcends even words and feelings.

I just wish I was there to hold her hand like little girls do when they're finished playing dolls, or skipping down a path, or just glad to see one another.

I'd hold her hand, and let her know...."Everything is going to be alright. But until it is.....I'm right here."

Walking Without Crutches

When I was younger I played a couple of sports.
I wasn't "great" at any of them, but I was decent enough to have a future in college athletics if I worked hard enough.

Somewhere between my junior and senior year in high school, I sprained my ankle while playing either basketball or soccer. (I can't quite remember). I remember my ankle swelling up to the size of a baseball. It was quite tender to the touch.

For a week or so, I was on crutches. Although it was only a slight sprain, my doctor insisted I stay off of it for at least a week. At home I hobbled and hopped around, but at school, crutches were my only option.

Today I thought about those crutches. I can remember how strange it felt to try and walk on my own after I'd gotten used to the crutches. I had nothing to lean on, and pressing down too hard, too quick, sent a throbbing pain through my foot and up my leg. It was uncomfortable.

For the last few days I've been uncomfortable.
Something unexpected happened in my life on Friday that sent my emotions into a whirlwind, let alone the effects on my physical body. The last few weeks I'd experienced a renewing and heightening of my faith in God. I was riding high.

But just like that day when I was hurt unexpectedly in the "prime" of my "career" (and I say that very lightly) in athletics, this trial came upon me, literally like a flood.

It brought back a flood of tears, emotions, and even fears.

But this time, things were different.

No one knew what I was going through, so there was no one there to help.

And those who did know were busy with their own problems, and couldnt help me.

My husband was swamped at work.

My sister was sick with laryngitis and was thousands of miles away.

My friends were vacationing and enjoying themselves.

All that was left was me and God.

No more crutches.

The last few days have been rough. But I've realized people and things can never fill the natural void inside of me that only God can fill. People can only be human, and things fade away. But God; He never changes or fails.

It's been hard. It's been uncomfortable. But I'm learning to walk without crutches.

Are you too dependent on your family or friends when it comes to life's trials?

This is me in real life, Kelli.

When One Door Closes

You ever heard that saying, "When one door closes, another one opens?"
Well, this is the image I had in my mind when I heard that saying.

Today I got news that I didn't get a job I interviewed for about a month ago.
I don't want to disclose certain details in order to maintain the privacy of the organization, but basically it was a job doing administrative work for an office that handles ministry affairs. (I know, that's a pretty generic description of the job). When I interviewed for the job, I didn't leave feeling "I got it", but I was definitely interested and excited and knew it was a job I could do effectively and in excellence.

When I got the news today I sort of sighed, and the the strangest thing happened.

I started laughing.

Hysterically laughing.

The Spirit of the Lord immediately reminded me that "all things work together for my good"(Romans 8:28), and (God) knows the plans He has for me,(jer29:11) and the steps of this good woman are ordered by the Lord.(psalm 37:23) I also heard this, "They'll be glad to have you."

I didn't understand at first, but the Lord begin to show me myself through His eyes. He took the time to put different talents, qualities, and characteristics in me when He created me. He knew exactly what He was doing. And although I'm not perfect, He is at work in me. So when that time comes when I'm connected with that next opportunity that is FOR ME, things will come together like pieces to a puzzle, and "they'll be glad to have me."

Wherever , whatever is next, I am open to God's will. I completely trust God to put me where He wants me, and I know that I'll prosper.

Today my perspective changed a bit.

Im not expecting just "another door".

I'm expecting an open door "with gifts".

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, Amen"
Ephesians 3:20 ESV

This is me in real life, Kelli.