Kelli. in real life

The Afterglow of a Perfect Weekend

This past Labor day weekend goes down in history as one of the best weekends of my life.
It was nothing short of wonderful, amazing, and unforgettable.

I grew up as a only child (biologically) in a small town in West Virginia. growing up I hated it. I found the slow pace boring and couldn't wait to venture out into bigger cities. We lived in a nice family oriented neighborhood where the neighbors held block parties, garage sales, and even sometimes cut each others grass. Friendliness was a way of life for us.

Our neighborhood was primarily white, but there were a few Greeks, italians, and us; the only African American family until my teenage years.

Although I couldn't wait to move; I remember the "safety" I felt. I knew my parents loved me. I knew my neighbors were looking out for me. I knew my friends (for the most part) wished me the best. I felt "SAFE".

In 2002 when I moved to the Detroit area I lost that "safe" feeling. I walked into unchartered waters. I encountered alot of jealousy, deceitfulness, and rudeness sometimes even in the Christian community. I wasn't used to experiencing this on a regular basis.

Even when my husband and I married; I married him because he had so many "genuine" qualities about him. There was no ulterior motive or intention. He wasn't too good to be true.....he just was.....good....and that was him. I felt "safe" with him. But life came at us fast, and within a year of our marriage I was pregnant, not working, and he was laid off from his job.

It had been a while since I had felt "safe" in my surroundings. We live in a very nice area, but due to circumstances out of our control we have to move soon. Its scary to have to pick up your family and move when you planned to be in a certain place for at least a year longer. My husband works full time but is not currently playing the bass, drums or keyboard at a church on Sundays which used to help sustain our income along with his full time, and my part time job. And although I believe God will give us more healthy children in the future; having a miscarriage this year shook me in an unexpected way.

I realized I've basically been living with a "what's next " attitude; waiting for the next tragedy or "fall out". I've become so accustomed to "not so good" things happening, that instead of asking God to keep us from them, I just ask God to continue to strengthen us to handle them when they come.

This weekend, I felt "safe".
My parents came up and spent the weekend with us, and it was literally perfect. We spent the weekend swimming, relaxing, reading, and spending quality time together. Not once did we disagree or get tired of one another. It was beautiful fellowship.

As I watched my parents with my son, I reflected on those days when it was the three of us. I felt safe because their love was unconditional, and still is. Its not based on how much money I make, how much weight Ive gained or lost, or whether I finished college or not. They love me because Im theirs. And that love; a love that God put in them to share with me, makes me feel "safe".

I am so thankful for my precious family. Daddy, Mom, my husband, my son, my stepson, my Mum Mum,my in-laws, and my "sisters" Mel, Kita, Jeane' and Anna. I have realized that though life has thrown us a few curve balls this last year, we ARE safe, and we HAVE SEEN GOD...because he has shown us His unconditional love through our family.

We are blessed.

This is me in real life.....Kelli.

Homebody or Social Butterfly???

The last 2 weeks or so, I've been putting in some extra hours at work. We've got a few things coming up that require a little extra money. Instead of expecting my husband to "hand it all over', I've been doing what I can to bring in some extra revenue so we can move(in a few weeks), get some new furniture (thank God), and I'm supposed to go away with a friend for a week. (yay for mommy!)

In my free time, I've noticed I've been out and about more than usual. I'm normally the type that likes to be at home, curled up in front of the tv or reading a book; just relaxing and being quiet. (Well as quiet as quiet can be with a 2 year old).

Lately, I've been meeting up with friends for coffee, going to the movies, having playdates, or just venturing out on my own more often. It's not that I'm a shy person (the thought of me being shy is hilarious), nor am I quite the loner. But the truth is, I actually don't mind being a lone. Biologically, I'm an only child, so I'm used to entertaining myself.

What I've noticed is that the last 2 weeks have been emotional and filled with lots of ups and downs. Some of those "downs" are still kind of "up" in the air. There's been death, overdue bills, misunderstandings with loved ones, etc. Both my husband and I have sort of "taken turns" finding outlets to keep us sane. He's been playing at gigs, and indulging in a few rock band challenges with some friends. I've had more "coffee and/or movie" dates more than ever. And together as a couple, we've enjoyed fellowship with other christian couples.

It's a weird season in our lives, but both us have found strength by managing our time well, communicating honestly, and having some good, healthy fun.

How about you? When life throw's you a curve ball do you tend to stay home, or do you come out of your cocoon and socialize to keep your mind off things?

I CRAM to understand you

This is MC Lyte.
I was first introduced to rap music by sneaking into my older cousins room when some of his friends were visiting. The "boom box" was up on his dresser drawer, and he and his friends were break dancing in the middle of the floor. I couldn't understand any of the lyrics except these...J-just like a test I cram to understand you. From that day on, I wanted to be like MC Lyte. I saved up my allowance to sneak and buy one of her tapes (parental advisory stamped boldly across the front cover). My parents listened to some secular music like Michael McDonald, Patti Labelle, Phil Collins, and Anita Baker,but as for me, I was only allowed to listen to gospel or christian music until I was about 15.

I knew nothing about the "ghetto" or "BROOKLYN" or this random guy named "sam" that she talked about, but something about her music was so cool to me.

**I have to say that as a teenager I did not know MC Lyte was a lesbian. Had I have known that I'm sure I would've chosen someone else to "be like".******

Today, I was thinking about a situation I've recently found myself in with someone I hold dear to my heart. A misunderstanding caused a rift between us, and naturally I've taken sometime to reflect on my own actions and thoughts. For some odd reason this rap kept coming in my mind.

J-just like a test...j-just like a test, j-just like a test, I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU.

Do you remember what it was like to CRAM for a test? You stayed up the night before a test you weren't prepared for trying to shove all the information you possibly could into your brain. I can recall cramming so much once that I just broke into tears, because I realized there was no way I was going to remember all the information necessary to pass the test.

I thought about relationships in general, and how each of us is created with different "wiring" if you will. Likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, talents and strengths, problems and issues. Yet, when we "relate" to someone; that means there is a common thread somewhere that knits us together, and holds us close to one another.

In order for me to "relate" to those I love communication, understanding, and honesty play huge parts. I can't expect for someone to read my mind and know how I feel unless I tell them. I can't expect for an issue to be truly resolved unless clarity is brought through conversation. I can't claim that I love someone and lie to them about the things they need to change and vice versa.

I reflect on this song in such a random way. We are all God's creation but we are constantly evolving. Life's lessons cause us to grow, mature, and change on a regular basis. Sometimes we need to step back from ourselves, and take the time to "CRAM TO UNDERSTAND" those we care about. It's not about convenience, or even what we "feel like" necessarily. Commitment....relationship....love is about unselfishness.

I've been told I love hard. I'd lay down my life for someone I consider my "family". That sometimes leave's me in a vulnerable place, and I often get hurt by those who take advantage of me. But this is me. Sappy, sentimental, loyal, forgiving, straightforward, but gentle. I can't be anyone but myself.

And tonight as I reflect on those I am committed to , I can make this promise, in spite of the hurt I may feel.
Just like a test.......I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU....and this is one test, Im determined to pass.

This is me, Kelli, in real life.

A Rose for Ruthie

Last week I got a call that shook me on the inside.
My cousin Ruth (known as Ruthie to me) took her own life.
She was 24.

My cousin Trina (Ruthie's sister) is only a year or 2 older than me, so naturally I was closer to her. But Ruthie belonged to all of us. There are 5 of us cousins, all girls, right around the same age, that spent summers together, talked about boys together, had pillow fights, got in trouble together, and loved each other like sisters instead of cousins. Ruthie was so much younger that we often left her out; but we loved her to pieces. She would whine when we left her out, and follow us around until we finally paid her attention.

Ruthie was lovable. She had a giant, infectious smile that would literally light up a room.

My heart is broken tonight when I think of her smile. I wish that our familys love for her would've been enough to keep her here. I wish that she had known God in a more personal way, and that His love had overshadowed the darkness she may have felt and seen all around her.

Death has a way of reminding us of what's important. I'm a verbal person. I don't have a hard time telling those I care about that I love them, or enjoy them being a part of my life. I'm pretty affectionate. I love hard: sometimes to a fault. Ruthie and I were alike in that way. She always said I love you, even if she had told you moments before. In fact those were her last words. "I Love You" sent by a mass text message just before she took her life.

Today I felt faint as I sat quietly at the funeral, I thought of the day and time we live in. We are pressed on every side as the bible says. There are so many silent battles people are facing on a daily basis. Many people are one step away from suicide, depression, or even insanity. What if something I said; a song I sang, or just my presence could be used by God to "grab" someone JUST before they let go?

I want to be used as a "life-saver". A tool that God tosses out into a deep ocean to save someone who is drowning.

I wish I had been there for Ruthie.

Ruth, here's a rose for you. A beautiful rose to express to you how much you had inside of you. So many layers; but so much beauty.

I will miss you.

~Kelli Rose

Here's My Hand

My friends are very important to me.
I've got associates, acquaintances, church family, friends and family.
Most of my closest friends are considered a part of my family.

A few years ago , I moved to Michigan and was separated from some of my closest and dearest friends that I was used to seeing on a daily basis. Now I've got close friends here, and close friends miles away. But I love that no distance and no familiarity changes the connection between us.

One of my dearest friends is hurting emotionally. She's a strong individual, and her faith in God is solid. But we're all human, and when disappointments come it's natural for us to hurt.

On Friday before I even knew what was going on in detail with my friend; I began to weep and call our her name in prayer. It was less than an hour later that I understood why I had felt such a burden for her.

Friendship is one of the most precious types of relationships God has gifted us with. While marriage brings about a connection of romance, sexual intimacy, and the building of a family; even a marriage is quite fragile with out the two individuals ( man and a woman) first being FRIENDS. Friendship is the ability to let down your guard and allow a person to take up space in your heart; the ability to laugh together, cry together, hurt one another, forgive one another, believe in each other, and remain committed without any paperwork or ceremony.

Today I just wish I could hold my dear friends hand as a point of contact.

I'd stand right by her side without inhibition. I'd allow the pure and untainted love of God to flow through me, as I held her hand; saying nothing; just there to be there.

Sometimes no words can heal us like the sense of touch can.

Sometimes we can't even find the words to describe the emotions we feel.

But "touch" transcends even words and feelings.

I just wish I was there to hold her hand like little girls do when they're finished playing dolls, or skipping down a path, or just glad to see one another.

I'd hold her hand, and let her know...."Everything is going to be alright. But until it is.....I'm right here."

Feel The Prayer Wheel Turnin'

My grandmother and grandfather used to get up early in the morning and pray.
Sometimes they would kneel beside their bed and pray, but other times they would go to the church and pray.
Sometimes my parents would go, but if they had to be at work occasionally, I went with my grandparents.
There would usually be about 6-10 people that would show up for early morning prayer. But even as a child, I was fascinated by what went on in those prayer meetings.
Sometimes there was weeping.
Sometimes there was rejoicing.
Sometimes there was silence.
Sometimes they sang songs.
But all the time....it was powerful.

I used to hear seasoned women in the church say, "I feel the prayer wheel turnin".

It meant that they felt the Spirit of the Lord stirring within them, calling them to prayer and intimacy with him.

As a child, and even now this is what I see when I think of a "prayer wheel turnin'".

Its a water wheel.
A device created long ago using flowing water to create POWER.

Even as I write that I feel a rush of excitement.

When God calls us into a time of prayer; true prayer that includes intercession ( standing in the gap fervently for someone else), warfare (praying against spiritual wickedness and things that are not of God) , and supplication (asking and requesting God for specific things)...its like a well of water inside of us is being turned through a wheel (prayer) to create POWER.

The bible speaks of this in different ways.....

"But you shall receive power after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you" Acts 1:8a

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known unto God. " Phillipians 4:6

"Like wise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words. " Romans 8:26

Sounds like a prayer wheel to me.

Today, open your heart to the Holy Spirit. Allow that well of living water living inside you to flow freely. Open your mouth in faith and allow God to fill it with words of prayer, intercession, and supplication with thanksgiving.

Today I prayed for you. My heart was overwhelmed with love for you...anyone and everyone who reads this today.

I pray that you will be called into the love of Christ today and experience what He has for you.

I feel the prayer wheel turnin'