Kelli. in real life

I CRAM to understand you

This is MC Lyte.
I was first introduced to rap music by sneaking into my older cousins room when some of his friends were visiting. The "boom box" was up on his dresser drawer, and he and his friends were break dancing in the middle of the floor. I couldn't understand any of the lyrics except these...J-just like a test I cram to understand you. From that day on, I wanted to be like MC Lyte. I saved up my allowance to sneak and buy one of her tapes (parental advisory stamped boldly across the front cover). My parents listened to some secular music like Michael McDonald, Patti Labelle, Phil Collins, and Anita Baker,but as for me, I was only allowed to listen to gospel or christian music until I was about 15.

I knew nothing about the "ghetto" or "BROOKLYN" or this random guy named "sam" that she talked about, but something about her music was so cool to me.

**I have to say that as a teenager I did not know MC Lyte was a lesbian. Had I have known that I'm sure I would've chosen someone else to "be like".******

Today, I was thinking about a situation I've recently found myself in with someone I hold dear to my heart. A misunderstanding caused a rift between us, and naturally I've taken sometime to reflect on my own actions and thoughts. For some odd reason this rap kept coming in my mind.

J-just like a test...j-just like a test, j-just like a test, I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU.

Do you remember what it was like to CRAM for a test? You stayed up the night before a test you weren't prepared for trying to shove all the information you possibly could into your brain. I can recall cramming so much once that I just broke into tears, because I realized there was no way I was going to remember all the information necessary to pass the test.

I thought about relationships in general, and how each of us is created with different "wiring" if you will. Likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, talents and strengths, problems and issues. Yet, when we "relate" to someone; that means there is a common thread somewhere that knits us together, and holds us close to one another.

In order for me to "relate" to those I love communication, understanding, and honesty play huge parts. I can't expect for someone to read my mind and know how I feel unless I tell them. I can't expect for an issue to be truly resolved unless clarity is brought through conversation. I can't claim that I love someone and lie to them about the things they need to change and vice versa.

I reflect on this song in such a random way. We are all God's creation but we are constantly evolving. Life's lessons cause us to grow, mature, and change on a regular basis. Sometimes we need to step back from ourselves, and take the time to "CRAM TO UNDERSTAND" those we care about. It's not about convenience, or even what we "feel like" necessarily. Commitment....relationship....love is about unselfishness.

I've been told I love hard. I'd lay down my life for someone I consider my "family". That sometimes leave's me in a vulnerable place, and I often get hurt by those who take advantage of me. But this is me. Sappy, sentimental, loyal, forgiving, straightforward, but gentle. I can't be anyone but myself.

And tonight as I reflect on those I am committed to , I can make this promise, in spite of the hurt I may feel.
Just like a test.......I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU....and this is one test, Im determined to pass.

This is me, Kelli, in real life.

Here's My Hand

My friends are very important to me.
I've got associates, acquaintances, church family, friends and family.
Most of my closest friends are considered a part of my family.

A few years ago , I moved to Michigan and was separated from some of my closest and dearest friends that I was used to seeing on a daily basis. Now I've got close friends here, and close friends miles away. But I love that no distance and no familiarity changes the connection between us.

One of my dearest friends is hurting emotionally. She's a strong individual, and her faith in God is solid. But we're all human, and when disappointments come it's natural for us to hurt.

On Friday before I even knew what was going on in detail with my friend; I began to weep and call our her name in prayer. It was less than an hour later that I understood why I had felt such a burden for her.

Friendship is one of the most precious types of relationships God has gifted us with. While marriage brings about a connection of romance, sexual intimacy, and the building of a family; even a marriage is quite fragile with out the two individuals ( man and a woman) first being FRIENDS. Friendship is the ability to let down your guard and allow a person to take up space in your heart; the ability to laugh together, cry together, hurt one another, forgive one another, believe in each other, and remain committed without any paperwork or ceremony.

Today I just wish I could hold my dear friends hand as a point of contact.

I'd stand right by her side without inhibition. I'd allow the pure and untainted love of God to flow through me, as I held her hand; saying nothing; just there to be there.

Sometimes no words can heal us like the sense of touch can.

Sometimes we can't even find the words to describe the emotions we feel.

But "touch" transcends even words and feelings.

I just wish I was there to hold her hand like little girls do when they're finished playing dolls, or skipping down a path, or just glad to see one another.

I'd hold her hand, and let her know...."Everything is going to be alright. But until it is.....I'm right here."

I Wish I could Be There......

This is my L.A. sister.
Today marks a culmination of lessons learned, trials overcome, and a birthing of a "new thing" in Christ for her.
Today is her ministerial ordination.

I wish desperately to be there to celebrate this achievement with her today; but finances and other commitments wouldn't allow me.

But I am SO proud.

I type this with tears streaming down my face as I thank God for bringing my sister into my life. People are often amazed when they find out we've only been close friends for a year or so. The sovereignty of God literally brought us together as friends, intercessors, and carriers of the gospel.

My sister was the only person, (outside of my husband) who I could bring myself to talk to the day I lost my baby. After miscarrying here at home I felt unstable and delirious. I needed something I could lean on, something solid, and she was there.

I cried uncontrollably that day. And she listened.
My speech was fragmented. And she listened.
My mind was scattered. And she listened.
She was just what I needed.
When she finally did speak I felt the love of God penetrate my heart, and I knew He hadn't left me.

Today, I wish I could be there just to listen.
Listen to the charge and challenge she is given; to preach the gospel in and out of season, to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, to live a sober life, to teach the younger women, to uphold the standard of holy living presented to us by the scriptures.
And when I finally would speak, I'd say this......

Although you are a gift to me; it is now time for the world to experience that gift. Before you were even born, Christ predestined you; to carry the gospel to the nations; to carry the song of the Lord,; to lay hands on the sick and watch them recover; and to prepare the way of the Lord. Your perseverance, and commitment to ministry has challenged me to be a better Christian. I pray that today you feel the overwhelming embrace of God's love as you are elevated to another level in ministry. You'll never know how much I appreciate you.

From the Heart,

Kel

This is me in real life, Kelli.