Kelli. in real life

Which Way Do I Go???

This has been the strangest year of my life so far. While I'm glad to be alive, have a roof over my head, a family to love, and a relationship with Christ, I am literally SPENT. I feel like this year has taken so much energy out of me. Life's curveballs have done their best to leave me empty and hopeless. While I'm still standing and better for what I've been through, I could use a surge of energy, motivation, and direction to push me into 2009. 

My husband and I have been thinking about alot of things lately. We've got a gazillion talents, a gazillion things we like and hate, and a huge desire to use anything we have to help others and bring glory to God. We have made ourselves available to be of service and help. 

The problem is, we're not sure what the next step is. 

*Should we stay here in Detroit and keep plugging away in the midst of the dying economy and bland music scene? Or should we move to L.A. , Nashville, or some random place to start over and pursue opportunities that are not open to us here. 

*Should we take turns and go back to school to pursue degrees? Or should we keep our schedules open in case a full time ministry opportunity comes along?

*Should we pursue more in depth medical means of having another child, or should we assume it isn't God's timing, and soon enough I'll conceive another healthy child?

*What should we invest in? 

Should my husband continue to put himself in the position to climb the ladder on his job or should he invest more time in his studio production work, graphic design, or ministerial studies and preparation?

Should I do whatever it takes to do an independent all studio album, pursue the ministerial calling on my life, audition for more background engagements, focus on writing a novel, or suck it up and work a full time job?

These are the questions that are before us. I know, I know; I've written about similar things in times past, but I KNOW we're not the only people dealing with this issue. For now we're standing still; waiting for an answer.  But it seems like we've been still for over a year...and lets face it, stagnant water STINKS!!!!!

What do you do when your faced with an array of decisions? How do you keep yourself encouraged?

I want to hear from YOU......

Signs and Wonder(ings)

I'm not afraid of driving.

Anywhere.

Big cities.

Rural areas.

Curvy mountains.

I'm not afraid.

As long as there are signs to tell me which way to go; I can easily follow directions.

That's how I feel in my life right now.

I'm not afraid of moving.

Anywhere....uh...in these United States : )

A big city.

The country.

Fast paced, slow paced.

Wherever.

or right here where I am.

I'm not afraid.

WE (my husband and I) are not afraid.

We're simply looking for a SIGN.

One of the most difficult things about being multi-talented is knowing that you are not living and giving at your full potential. It's hard to live at "acceptable" when you know God is calling for "excellence". It eats at you to "drive" on 4 cylinders when you know God's designed you to run like a V8.

We've gotten to the point where our "desires" are completely determined on what God wants for us. We just want our lives to be lived for the upbuilding of His kingdom, the spreading of His truth, and in a way that combines music and ministry.

We're ready to move.

We're ready to stay.

We're just waiting on God's directions and open doors.

It would make things so much easier if there were "signs" telling us what to do.

Stay. Go. Move. Stand still. Turn. Bend. Steep Hill. Bump in the Road.

Unfortunately, listening for the voice and instructions of God isn't always that simple.

All we can do is wait.

Until then, we can only do our best to "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication make our requests made known unto God. "

Easier said than done.

I CRAM to understand you

This is MC Lyte.
I was first introduced to rap music by sneaking into my older cousins room when some of his friends were visiting. The "boom box" was up on his dresser drawer, and he and his friends were break dancing in the middle of the floor. I couldn't understand any of the lyrics except these...J-just like a test I cram to understand you. From that day on, I wanted to be like MC Lyte. I saved up my allowance to sneak and buy one of her tapes (parental advisory stamped boldly across the front cover). My parents listened to some secular music like Michael McDonald, Patti Labelle, Phil Collins, and Anita Baker,but as for me, I was only allowed to listen to gospel or christian music until I was about 15.

I knew nothing about the "ghetto" or "BROOKLYN" or this random guy named "sam" that she talked about, but something about her music was so cool to me.

**I have to say that as a teenager I did not know MC Lyte was a lesbian. Had I have known that I'm sure I would've chosen someone else to "be like".******

Today, I was thinking about a situation I've recently found myself in with someone I hold dear to my heart. A misunderstanding caused a rift between us, and naturally I've taken sometime to reflect on my own actions and thoughts. For some odd reason this rap kept coming in my mind.

J-just like a test...j-just like a test, j-just like a test, I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU.

Do you remember what it was like to CRAM for a test? You stayed up the night before a test you weren't prepared for trying to shove all the information you possibly could into your brain. I can recall cramming so much once that I just broke into tears, because I realized there was no way I was going to remember all the information necessary to pass the test.

I thought about relationships in general, and how each of us is created with different "wiring" if you will. Likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, talents and strengths, problems and issues. Yet, when we "relate" to someone; that means there is a common thread somewhere that knits us together, and holds us close to one another.

In order for me to "relate" to those I love communication, understanding, and honesty play huge parts. I can't expect for someone to read my mind and know how I feel unless I tell them. I can't expect for an issue to be truly resolved unless clarity is brought through conversation. I can't claim that I love someone and lie to them about the things they need to change and vice versa.

I reflect on this song in such a random way. We are all God's creation but we are constantly evolving. Life's lessons cause us to grow, mature, and change on a regular basis. Sometimes we need to step back from ourselves, and take the time to "CRAM TO UNDERSTAND" those we care about. It's not about convenience, or even what we "feel like" necessarily. Commitment....relationship....love is about unselfishness.

I've been told I love hard. I'd lay down my life for someone I consider my "family". That sometimes leave's me in a vulnerable place, and I often get hurt by those who take advantage of me. But this is me. Sappy, sentimental, loyal, forgiving, straightforward, but gentle. I can't be anyone but myself.

And tonight as I reflect on those I am committed to , I can make this promise, in spite of the hurt I may feel.
Just like a test.......I CRAM TO UNDERSTAND YOU....and this is one test, Im determined to pass.

This is me, Kelli, in real life.