Kelli. in real life: Songs That Pulled Me Through....(song #1)

As a music lover, songwriter, worship leader; it is often music that speaks to me when Im going through a trial. I love Gods word, and more and more I'm appreciating the fact that it is ALIVE! In my personal life one of the ways I've seen it most come to life is through song.

So I decided to start a series of posts about songs that have literally pulled me through some of my greatest trials and tests of my faith.

It was early June of 2005 and I was 9 weeks pregnant with my first child. I had gotten married the previous December and was just getting used to juggling my marriage, my activities and responsibilities at church, and my traveling schedule. (At the time I sang with urban gospel recording artist Deitrick Haddon and gospel legend Dorinda Clark Cole.)

At just 8 weeks pregnant, I began spotting. I was fearful that I was in the process of miscarrying. Much to our surprise, we went to the dr. for an ultrasound and there was son my son; like a little tadpole but with a strong, clear heartbeat. "You're fine" the ultrasound technician told me. I cried tears of joy.

To my surprise, the bleeding didnt stop. I left the next week on a 3 day concert schedule to Vegas, California, and finally Houston with Deitrick and the rest of the camp. By the time we got to Knotts Berry Farm in California, I was bleeding heavily. Between our soundcheck and concert time, I laid in the bed and cried because I was certain I was losing my baby. I didnt tell anyone on the road about what was happening, but I called my husband back home. It was difficult for both of us not knowing what was going on and hoping for the best.

By the time we got to Houston (the 3rd city in our 4 days stretch) I was exhausted physically and assuming I had lost my baby. Karen Clark Sheard was also on the same "ticket" as us. We connected before the concert and I remember breaking down in tears in her room. "I think I lost the baby." She hugged me and told me if I had, there was nothing I could do but trust God to give me another baby and take care of me in the midst of my sorrow. As I left the room her last words were, "Niece; that baby is fine."

I'd love to say I believed her and walked out of there feeling empowered, but I was convinced of the worst. Once on stage I sang and I moved, but my heart wasn't in it. My heart was breaking and I was consumed by it. Until we got to this song..."GOD DIDNT GIVE UP ON ME". At the time it was a song we didnt sing often. Deitrick's album Crossroads was still a few months from release, so most people were hearing this song for the 1st time. As we began to sing the song, I literally felt like a weight was being pulled off of my shoulders. I love the entire song, but it was once we got to the bridge and vamp that I felt the overwhelming sense of Gods presence.

"He'll never. No Never. Never let me fall.

When I need you I can call you, call you GOD! GOD! OH! OH!"

Simple words, but out of the sincerity of my heart I felt that as I was calling out to God with the fervency of my heart, He was responding to me with the assurance of His presence. The word was ALIVE. "Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord SHALL BE SAVED!!!!"(Acts 2:21) I called and He answered.

"God didn't give up on me, God didn't give on me.

When I gave up, He didnt let me go.

When I messed up, He restored my soul.

Oh, it was God, that didnt give up."

I danced and jumped and worshiped and cried, knowing that my baby; in spite of what it looked like, was just fine. January 2006 I was holding my son in my arms as proof that what God promised that day had truly come to pass.

I heard someone say once that music doesn't save souls. I beg to differ. The power of God is not confined to a sermon, or a particular person. God has a way of reaching his children by whatever means will reach them in the quickest and most effective way. For me its music; and that day this song was my bridge to God to get just what I needed.

"God Didn't Give Up On Me"

Deitrick Haddon

Crossroads~released Sept 05