I came back to West Virginia for a few days to sing at a friends wedding and also get some relief from the troubles that have been weighing on my mind. Usually a trip home leaves me feeling inspired and refreshed, but until last night except for meeting old friends for lunch, this trip had left me still feeling weary and even more stressed than when I came. Ive been consumed with the preparations of moving to California. Well, even more honestly; its been the finances that have stressed me out. Breaking our lease here; renting a UHAUL; gas, food, and motel for the 3 day trip; plane ticket for me, security deposit and start up money for once we get there, and on top of all that the emotional challenge of saying goodbye to most everything and everyone I know and love.
Last night I was feeling especially worn, and was thankful for the opportunity to catch a late movie. As I pulled into the theater parking lot, I gently spoke these words, "Lord speak to me. "
For most people, the request for God to speak to them through or in a movie may seem odd. But for a person like me who often finds inspiration and the "voice" of God in colors, books, movies,billboard signs, and other spontaneous ways, I was hoping that this movie would provide some answers for me.
I was not disappointed.
Because I dont want to give the plot away, I'll leave very specific details about the movie out. I'll simply say the movie begins with the pope dying. Whether you're a part of the catholic church or not, we all know that the pope is respected and adored figure; one that Catholic believers everywhere look to as the oracle of God; and see in the image or shadow of Christ. He is a most revered figure.
But as we all know, when a church is at a point of change; although it should be a "church" of believers mission to seek Gods help and guidance, we often turn to human emotions and motives. This twisted perspective causes a spiraling effect of" popularity contests", "personality campaigns", and ultimately conflict and strife.
Because this movie is written with such complexity, I imagine viewers could gather a vast amount of opinions and "revelations" after seeing it. Its flat out..AN EXCELLENT MOVIE.
But for me, I was left staring at the screen with tears streaming down my face. This morning as I write this, tears are still burning my eyes as the revelation God gave me through this movie seems just as real as it was last night.
We are born into sin and shapened in iniquity. But when we come into the knowledge of Christ we are then given the opportunity to be children of His vision and Kingdom. Its not just about the perks and pluses that come with being a "kings kid", but rather fulfilling the vision of the One who has redeemed us. I was reminded that Christ in all His perfection and ability, made Himself lower than the angels in order to die on the cross for sinner like us. (One of my favorite passages of hope is, "While we were YET sinners, Christ died for US. " ) In this midst of Him dying on the cross,He showed us that the TRUE character of Jesus Christ is one of humility, service, and submission to the will of His father, even if it meant dying to Himself and for the "life" of others.
So how is it, in this "system" we call the church, that things have been built around our own rules, regulations, and preferences, rather than placing the true VISION of our father at the forefront of our purpose?
Ultimately, this is what I left with.
When we as "believers" allow our selfish ambitions to outweigh the ultimate will of God; and in turn hurt his CHURCH (not the system, but the KINGDOM) we are in turn operating in ways that are "anti-christ". When we are so position and personality driven that we cannot accept Gods preference we are exalting our own pride above the plan of the Lord. How dare we sow discord based on the changes and choices our our pastors or leaders make that are GOD choices, rather than accepting that our preference may have little or nothing to do with what God is speaking to our leader(s). How dare we as leaders create pitfalls and "Red Rover-like " alliances against one another when "running" for the same position in the church "system"? Do we not realize that although we may be the "people's choice" we may not be Gods choice? Can we not accept that something we desired so greatly was not in Gods plan, or in His current timing? How dare we covet a position or gifting that Gods chooses to give to one of our fellow servants in Christ when we are not aware of the price paid or mandate on their life in order to fulfill that calling? Do we not realize that God is barely concerned about this "system" we call church, but will FIGHT for the KINGDOM of his church? If you are digging ditches, raging wars, and self promoting and in some fashion "tearing down" His kingdom; believer or not, you are his ENEMY. regardless to what you do in the "name" of Christ; if it is not in line with the CHARACTER and WORD of Christ, all you do is in vain.
As I drove home from the movie, I begin to repent for being so "caught up" in my troubles that I didnt recognize this move is greater than our own personal hopes, dreams, and desires. But ultimately as God has chosen to move us; we are to walk in His plan, His character, and His favor for the literal upbuilding of His kingdom. I apologized for the times when my self ambition overshadowed Gods will and preference, and I in turn hurt one of His children or caused discord..."all in His name".
This morning I woke up with a renewed sense of willingness to be used for Gods Kingdom. With passion, I can say, "Not my will, but His will be done".
I can only close with the words a Catholic bishop spoke (in the movie) just before the new pope was revealed to the people. "Religion is fraud. Man is fraud. I am fraud. Only God is real". May we be reminded that this "system" of church will one day pass away. But Gods "CHURCH" ; his Kingdom and bride, will always be.
