Dear Christian

Dear Christian,

I'm writing you this letter with tears flowing from my eyes, but so much joy in my heart. 

Today I heard your baby brother or sister's heart beat for the 3rd time. Today was extra special because this time last year I was already in the process of miscarrying you and didnt know it. My heart aches when I think of how you must have been struggling to grow, to breathe, and to live. But God gives me peace that the prayers I prayed over you daily while you were in my womb did not go to waste. For you are no longer in pain nor do you feel any fear. You are in Gods precious care and at peace. 

I still think of you almost every day. Although I sometimes cry, God has given me peace in knowing that I'll see you again one day. Instead of holding your tiny, lifeless body that fit in my hand; you'll be big enough to hold in my arms. 

I want you to know that this baby will never take your place, but I am so excited to see pieces of you in this baby. After you passed away, God gave me a dream in which I saw your face; your large almond shaped cocoa brown eyes were bright, your eyelashes as long and enchanting, your head full of curly locks like Papa's, and your smile wide and bright like Daddy's. I even got to hear your sweet voice say,"Mommy." I'm so grateful to have seen that vision and to have seen your face, and most of all to have heard your voice. 

Christian, when you talk with Jesus today, tell him thank you for Mommy. Tell him thank you for this new baby that is growing healthy and strong inside of me. Tell him thank you for the sound of its heart beating and the feeling of its movement inside me. Tell him thank you for carrying Daddy and I through the darkest days of our lives and once again giving us hope and restoring our faith. Christian, tell him thank you. I wouldve never given you up on my own; but in His sovereign ways He took you, and finally; I'm okay with that. Christian, if I had never lost you I would never know Jesus the way I do now. I would never know that His love truly is unfailing, unchanging, and can reach into the deepest, darkest places, and pull us out. It is through this loss that I've been reminded of what is important. And now with a new life growing inside of me, I am once again forever changed. 

My dear sweet boy, I will always love you. 

Until we meet again, 

Mommy

Comments

[Kevin Davis]

It's no easy thing to go through - my wife and I have miscarried several times - but the kids we do have are so beautiful and bring us so much joy! Thankfully painful memories can give as much as they take.