I Can't Help But Love You

This is my son. I have never learned more from anyone in my entire life. Sometimes he makes me so angry that I want to pull my hair out piece by piece. Other times he's the sweetest child, and I cry just to hear his voice or watch him play. Lately, I have enjoyed more than ever being with him. I've stopped aching so much to have another child and I've focused more on enjoying the one I have. The other day he asked about his baby brother. I said, "Canaan, Christian is in heaven with Jesus and the angels, remember?" He said quietly, "yeah." Moments later he began to cry. We were in the car at the time so I couldn't hold him, but as soon as we got in the house I laid him on my chest and we had a good cry...together. Ten minutes later, he was up running around, banging on my pots, leaving his trains in the middle of the floor, and whining because nap time had come. But for those few moments I literally felt like God used my son to remind me of his unfailing love for me, and that He too has cried to know that I have been hurt. But His love is unchanging. Its brings healing. It brings peace. 

When I look into my sons eyes and I remember carrying him for 9 months, rocking him to sleep at night, watching him take his first steps; I can't help but love him. And today I'm grateful for a God that looks at me in the midst of this process called salvation and says, "I CANT HELP BUT LOVE YOU"

Comments

[Kevin Davisk]

That is a ridiculously cute picture of him - our kids are such a gift; always testing and always teaching us. I say this a lot, but it is true, there is a whole other dimension of understanding you get as parent, in relation to Gods love. As a dad, I have this indescribable love for my boys, I cannot put it into exact words, but it is consuming and life giving (and very frustrating at times).

[Tiffany Slay]

Hey just getting into your blogs but Church rise up..made me upset, think and smie at the same time and I cant help but love you is just beautiful!! When u go write a book? I think your over due? hint!I love when God use people to make me remember his love for me...and the stuff I read that u wrote does just that and more.God Bless you!

[Rachel]

First of all, this is the first time I've seen a pic. of your son and he is absolutely gorgeous! Thank you for posting one.

Your post is beautiful. I totally get what you're saying here. I remember sitting alone, staring at ultrasound pictures of a baby that I would never hold. I remember that pain. It felt crushing.

You relayed this message so eloquently about God and his love for us. Praying that God will continue to heal your wound.

[Agnes]

how awesome that he could cry about that, and that you could share that with him.. so healthy.. and health like that is such a blessing. i don't know what it feels like to go through what you did, but it brought tears to my eyes reading your post. bless you.

[Stacie Gerathy]

Isn't it amazing how God uses small events to remind us that He is so present in our life. A couple of weeks ago I felt lonely and disconnected from friends(I am very relational) As I was getting out of my car my neighbor stopped and was like "Stacie, is at that you?. I wanted to say thank you for helping me out." Kelly, she gave me a pumpkin pie and a gift and in the bottom of the bag was a plain Hershey bar. She does not know that it is my favorite. But God does. He was saying "I am still here". I am your friend". God is always reminding me of this. A lot of times I rely on the relationship of friends and not on the relationship of Jesus. Thank you for your post. It is encouraging to see God speaking to others in the small ways too!