I woke up this morning in a BAD mood. I was in the midst of a misunderstanding with a dear friend, and the whole thing has exhausted me emotionally. I HATE to be misunderstood, and I HATE to know that I have not taken the time or energy necessary to truly understand someone.
I felt bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness rising up in me, instead of the love I had asked God to stir up within me. All these self-centered emotions tried to overtake my mind, and fighting them left me mentally tired.
If that weren't enough, one of my childhood friends gave birth to a beautiful baby boy today. I was thrilled for her and her husband. But my heart was grieving as well. Our due dates were 2 weeks apart. The birth of her 2nd son reminded me that I had lost my 2nd son in March. Today, I would've been 38 weeks pregnant. I would've been round, irritable, disgustingly hot and uncomfortable, and I would've been so happy to be that way. It was a bittersweet moment; thanking God for bringing baby Nathaniel into this world safely; but also asking God to continue to comfort me in the loss of my son Christian.
By this evening when my friend called, I was a wreck. It was only the grace of God that we were able to plow through our differences and come to a resolve. Granted it, neither one of us agreed with the other's perception; nevertheless we came to a resolve.
Its been a rough day for me. But somewhere someone didn't have anything to eat. Somewhere a person lost their job. Somewhere a person was physically abused by a spouse or significant other. Someone died today.
And here I am...
with a roof over my head
a job
a beautiful son
a loving husband
just enough food in the fridge
and Im alive.
Thank you God for bringing me through this day. I couldn't have made it without you
Kelli, you're so right. It's so easy to get all caught up with what's "wrong" with our life that we forget about what's "right" in it, all the many ways that God has blessed us beyond measure.
Rejoicing with you for your blessings, praying with you over your problems.
Posted by: Brad Ruggles | August 26, 2008 at 07:33 AM
There is that old hymn, "Count Your Many Blessings." You've just demonstrated it.
Posted by: Sally | August 26, 2008 at 09:07 AM
I know what the pain of losing a child while their still inside of you. Somehow people think that because you never physically knew the child that it doesn't hurt, but it does. I will be praying that God's love and peace surround your mind, spirit, and emotions at this time. I know it's hard. It's hard to understand why. But in the midst of all of it, there is a reason that we cannot know or see right now.
I wish I could wrap my arms around you right now from one woman to another.
I've recently had a similar issue with a dear long time Christian friend. Unfortunately, it did not end so well. She could not accept that we just would not agree, and in turn, totally turned on me and did her very best for smear my name. Only to her detrement. Because of how she chose to respond, our relationship is more than likely forever broken because I've realized that I cannot be closely connected in that way to someone who refuses to love and accept people that don't think she as she does. I had to painfully realize that as much as I adored her, and couldn't imagine life without her, the friendship had become toxic to my emotional and spiritual well-being....even worst than all that, she was supposed to be my spiritual leader. She was my pastor's wife, of whom I loved dearly and looked up to her, and we helped a church together. But she is still young and has much to learn just as we all do. We're all just humans saved by God's grace. But in order to move forward, we have to be willing to be teachable and flexible.
Posted by: Rachel | August 27, 2008 at 10:58 PM
@ Brad ~ thank you so much.
@Sally~ I love that old hymn.
@Rachel~ if i even started to respond to you it would be as long as another blog. : ) I APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENT IMMENSELY FOR MORE REASONS THAN YOU KNOW!
Posted by: Kelli | August 27, 2008 at 11:38 PM