A Rose for Ruthie

Last week I got a call that shook me on the inside.
My cousin Ruth (known as Ruthie to me) took her own life.
She was 24.

My cousin Trina (Ruthie's sister) is only a year or 2 older than me, so naturally I was closer to her. But Ruthie belonged to all of us. There are 5 of us cousins, all girls, right around the same age, that spent summers together, talked about boys together, had pillow fights, got in trouble together, and loved each other like sisters instead of cousins. Ruthie was so much younger that we often left her out; but we loved her to pieces. She would whine when we left her out, and follow us around until we finally paid her attention.

Ruthie was lovable. She had a giant, infectious smile that would literally light up a room.

My heart is broken tonight when I think of her smile. I wish that our familys love for her would've been enough to keep her here. I wish that she had known God in a more personal way, and that His love had overshadowed the darkness she may have felt and seen all around her.

Death has a way of reminding us of what's important. I'm a verbal person. I don't have a hard time telling those I care about that I love them, or enjoy them being a part of my life. I'm pretty affectionate. I love hard: sometimes to a fault. Ruthie and I were alike in that way. She always said I love you, even if she had told you moments before. In fact those were her last words. "I Love You" sent by a mass text message just before she took her life.

Today I felt faint as I sat quietly at the funeral, I thought of the day and time we live in. We are pressed on every side as the bible says. There are so many silent battles people are facing on a daily basis. Many people are one step away from suicide, depression, or even insanity. What if something I said; a song I sang, or just my presence could be used by God to "grab" someone JUST before they let go?

I want to be used as a "life-saver". A tool that God tosses out into a deep ocean to save someone who is drowning.

I wish I had been there for Ruthie.

Ruth, here's a rose for you. A beautiful rose to express to you how much you had inside of you. So many layers; but so much beauty.

I will miss you.

~Kelli Rose

Comments

[Kara]

So sorry to hear about your cousin. I can't imagine the questions, thoughts, and emotions you are going through right now. My cousin (much older than me) took his own life when I was in high school...it is so hard to comprehend. You just wander why and what got them to that place. I will be praying for your family! You are so right...I want to join you in the fight to be the life-saver for the rest of the world!

[Christy Milbrandt]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It's times like this where everything in life seems so insignificant and the people in our lives however close or not significant. We will be praying for you and your family. Christy

[daisy]

Oh, Kelly...that brings tears to my eyes. It happens more than people think. I think the hardest thing is trying to figure out why, and wishing there was something you could have done. A close friend of my kids committed suicide this spring. It's a devastating thing. I'm so sorry, Kelly.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[Sally]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds as if Ruthie was a loving cousin. Don't blame yourself. Maybe there was nothing that you could have done. It might have been a chemical imbalance in Ruthie.

[mandythompson]

you said this well, kelli, that death reminds us of what's important... it's true, but sad.

i always find myself reflective at funerals - assessing my own life - asking myself if i'm doing what counts.

so sorry to hear about your loss, though.

[Claire]

Hi there, I found your blog via Nick Carnes' and I want you to know how deeply sorry I am for you and your family.
Know that God loves you with an incredible passion and wants to comfort you like only your Heavenly Father can.

[Rachel]

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine.

Let her death propel you to BE that lifeline to others. Ones who are hurting, hopeless, lost, and maybe even at the brink of giving up themselves.

Sometimes all it takes is one person to show that they care to literally save another's life. Sometimes, all it takes is a touch. Now you go, and be that person to someone else.

You're in my thoughts and prayers in this tough time.

[Kelli Girl]

I want to thank each of you for your kind words, prayers, and encouragement. They mean more than you know.

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