Yesterday I got my feelings hurt.
Caught me off guard.
Blindsided me to say the least.
The worst part about it is, I don't think the person would've cared much even if I'd told them they hurt my feelings.
They would've sighed.
Called me sensitive.
Most likely they would've stopped talking for the rest of the evening.
So I went to bed with feelings left hanging in the air.
One of my biggest pet peeves is to be misunderstood.
So this morning, I woke up...last night was still on my mind.
I started talking to God about it, and I felt the spirit of the Lord sort of "shrug me off".
Well anyone who has the Spirit of the Lord living inside them knows that it brings conviction, and is a revealer of truth.
Only a few moments passed before the Lord began to deal with me about how I treat Him. How I write all these lovely songs about Him. I sing with tears streaming down my face about him. I teach my son about Him. But sometimes, in fact too often, He is last on my list.
See He created me with this huge heart. I love hard. When the people I love hurt, I hurt. When they rejoice, I rejoice. As often as I can, I show them how much I love them.
But when is the last time I set aside a day JUST for me and God. When is the last time I planned a day to spend with Him....talking, worshipping, praying, laughing, meditating on His word? When is the last time my feelings were "hurt" because we experienced a "disconnect"?
I immediately repented. I have not meant to create any idols before Him, but too often I have put people and things before Him.
"Lord, I have seen the inconsistency of my ways. For too long have I expected your grace to cover my selfishness. It is an honor to have you as my father and friend. I have taken you for granted. Please receive my repentance, and help me to receive your forgiveness. Without you, this life is empty and void. You have blessed me with family and friends to share this life with. But YOU are my heart's desire.
This morning I declare, you are not my last resort.....Jesus, YOU are my first CHOICE."
With all of me,
Kelli
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